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May 17, 2005
The Season
My life is great, I have a lot to be thankful for,but nothing can stop the hardships of taking care of a newborn or the hormonal shifts of post partum. I've never experienced highs and lows like I have during the post partum period except for when I was on the pill. *Just say no to the Pill! Get over yourself and use a barrier method!* of the soapbox... But this time my post partum is directed toward my boy Josiah not toward Eden. I love love love my boy. So much that it hurts me these days when I put him aside. I fear for his little heart being broken that our relationship will never be the same. I watch him entertaining himself in the yard or playing quietly in his toy corner and I cry because I have no energy to be his playmate and as I've said before, I'm not very good at it. I have a hard time letting him explore his curiosities without lording over him ready to tell him to "be careful". Joel of course is a super dad who takes his boy anywhere and admitted to me that Eden's arrival has brought a new level of bonding with his son, he longs for a relationship with his daughter. 
God is so good, this time that I weep so easily over my season with Josiah being over marks the beginning of a life more rich. Each day that passes is to be treasured.
And as my mom has said over and over, she never longs for the days when my brother and I were little. She says she enjoyed us at every age we were. Now she can enjoy little children again and she still says it doesn't bring back pangs for those early days, it's a new more precious memory of God's blessing in our family's lives.
Parenthood does not get easier. Well, some things do but other hard things take their place. I feel my spirit being stretched to accomodate the new responsibilities. My days are simpler than ever and that's about all I can do. It's like hibernation, a natural time of adjustment. When I begin to feel my need to break out I will be a new person (a thinner person hopefully) with new confidence and less selfishness. Proud of all that have been given and full of love for not just one but three people in my family unit.
I am not afraid of the tears I shed this time. Last time a wept in a panic because of Josiah's lack of weight gain, and poor nursing. But look at him now!! He's 37" tall and probably weighs almost 40lbs! My faith has been tested, I was brought through fire and now I have no fear for my daughter. God takes care of us. He takes care of the little ones and their mommies.
the spirit within | By | 2:41 PM
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Comments
i often feel that christ leaves me to myself, so that the holy spirit has room to move around in my heart. often parenting must feel like that, christ leaving his children for the holy spirit. thank you oh my father for giving me your son and sending your spirit, 'til the work on earth is done.
Posted by: cat at May 19, 2005 5:29 PM
We're praying for y'all. You do well to embrace where you are. It'll be the new normal before you know it and you (and Josiah) will struggle once again to remember "before".
Posted by: lynnp at May 18, 2005 10:16 AM
That is a moving entry! What a description of motherhood the second time around. But this painful step will be so much easier as you see him off to school, to his first girl friend, college, etc. I don't want to be glib; this is a precious entry, and your heart is truly tender, Kate. We will pray for your continued joy in Eden's new affection.
I know you're not big fans of hymns, but verse 3 of "Morning has broken" goes
Mine is the sunlight/mine is the morning/ born of the one light/Eden saw play/Praise with elation/ praise every morning/God's recreation of a new day.
Love, Dad
Posted by: Dad at May 17, 2005 10:40 PM
you are indeed blessed.
I'm sure similar tears will be shed at our house come November, but God is indeed faithful and blesses us richly.
and she's such a cutie! you're really making me hope for a girl.
Posted by: bobw at May 17, 2005 3:40 PM
