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September 15, 2005
Take a Walk Around
After another watercolor class I still feel that it is very difficult. The girl who sits next to me is a very clean painter, her exercises are impecable, pretty, clean. I never was taught to be a clean painter. I guess my po-dunk little community college didn't arrange to produce really accomplished painters even though I think my teacher was excellent, he probably wasn't told to push his students to the lengths that university students are. I mean my classes now are twice as long. Twice as many credits. And what I am also experiencing, is that as a transfer student, if my courses tranfer and are equivalent, I am not expected to repeat them. My photo class all those years ago was laughable considering what actual art departments teach*. I am now discovering that not only did I take these classes almost 10 years ago, but they were inferior. Joel kinda thought it would be cool if I could enroll at the SCAD chapter here in ATL, but the thing is I think I would totally sink. My assignments were less challenging, and not meant to progress any further than a 2 year degree. Or perhaps the TN system of education is easier than the GA system. That's kinda hard for me to believe, but perhaps. I mean UGA has a notable program, where I don't hear many great things about UTC's programs. That's why I never went to UTC. That's why Chatt State was referred to me because it was a compatable program and it cost a heckuva lot less. I mean less than 600 a semester. Like I said before, I'm having to re-learn a lot of what I have come to understand all by my uneducated self. I am realizing I might just have to be satisfied with making a B or possibly less in this class. What also scares me is the fact I feel that I've bitten off more than I can chew. As I'm sure some of you other parent/students can attest. I have finished my projects and papers literally a half hour before I have to leave for school. Joel said the other night, he doesn't know if our family can handle me going full time. If he goes full time that means him being gone every night. That seems difficult for me right now. None of his classes are during business hours because most people in the classes are working adults, where as my classes are all during the day, and at some point, I will need to take a 9:30am course, or a 12:30pm course. Heck, even a 3pm course. This is not possible if Joel wants to work and go to school full time and study. It isn't practical for me to be the one going full time and him not because his degree will immediatey improve our famliy's quality of life. And I, being the normal sacrificial wife, do not need to press the issue of me going full time.
Congratulations! You are Lynette Scavo, the
ex-career woman who traded the boardroom for
boredom, mixed with moments of sheer panic as
the mother of four unmanageable kids.
Which Desperate Housewife are you?
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I'm pooped as it is. I am not a "I deserve this BFA dregree" sorta woman. I do want to do God's will for my artistic career and more importantly God's will for our family. If this means getting a B instead of an A that's OK, but this class is a serious ego bruiser. Here I have an art show in October, and I am sweating this watercolor class the whole time. Feeling my prof breathing down my neck going, What does she think she's doing here?
On the flip side. As I was feeling all these terrible things last night, I forced myself to get up and walk around the room. I had to see if I was the only one not getting it.
*I took photography at Covenant College before they had an art major or a college level photography teacher. I'm sure my photo teacher is great with kids but...
Besides, I had the complete polar opposite painter sitting next to me. I told her that we must be the 2 extremes of painters. She is sweet and encourages me. I promise I don't complain the whole time. I take that walk around the room, wondering who is the best in the class, who are the big-wig painters at this school. Who makes up the elite of the art dept. I noticed that I was sitting next to the best person in the class. Everyone else was just as bad as me, or worse. I at least have been trying, sweating (I totally stink by the end of class, a hazard of still being a bit post pardum) to get these value scales right. Trying to render volume to cubes, cylinders and spheres. I think alot of these other students who are younger, and probably have bigger younger egos, are just giving up. They're riding the wave to the next class, just showing up and doing what they're told.
When we turned in our first project I realized that I had put absolutely no creative energy into the assignment, I was just trying to master the technique. That's all I thought I was capable of doing. I'm glad that's what I did. I felt good about it. Other students said Heck with the assignment, I'm going to just play around with the medium and make something deep and Robert will like it. And Robert said Um, Why didn't you do the assignment? Like I said younger bigger egos. There were much much better projects than mine. Incredible realism and clean lines. I wish I could draw a straight line. What is my problem? I got a B. That's alright. I deserved nothing better. Ego Bruising for sure. But it was bruised before that grade was handed out.
Being trod upon by 2 kids all day takes that ego away a bit. Coming to class with spit up, peanut butter or worse on your person makes you feel a little more down to earth. It's a good time of life for me to be doing this. It's keeping me sharp. I feel the pains of being molded by God in this scenario. He's telling me He needs me to get better in order to use me in the art world. But I also believe He's using me now. Can't be lazy. But man, I am pooped by the end of the day. My desire to be child free for a few hours at night keeps me up too late. But it also gives me something to look forward too.
What the heck, I'm in School! | By | 3:46 PM
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Comments
Kate,
that humility and ego bruising is good! I had a ton of that at UT and it really helped me to look at myself and my art with a honest perspective. I was not the jedi master of jazz improv like some of my peers and it took me some time to realize that I would never be one. But, the fact that you come to class and submitt yourself to these assignments that are outside of your previous experiences and you may never master will build so much on the skills that you already have. Also, I am finding that I might not apply some of those things that I learned in school until five years later. Just the other day I had to pull out my accursed Orchestration textbook to write a cello part. I'm no Beethoven, but afterward, the cellist who played the part said it was enjoyable to play. If I hadn't gone to school, writing a cello part would have been blindly groping in the dark. You might finish this class and not touch a watercolor project for 10 years, but if the creative inspiration strikes one day, you will have another technique in your bag of tricks.
Posted by: Kirk at September 19, 2005 10:31 AM
Katie, thanks for sharing the journey with us. Its not enough that you are liviing out the challenges of the road God has given you right now - but you are documenting them with such unflinching honesty and writerly craft. I imagine the blog is very cathartic - but I'm impressed that in addition to two kids, house management, husband caring, school work, tending a early art business.... (UFF I'm allready tired) ... you still make time to blog so extensively. And write well you do! Be encouraged! You might still feel the ego bruise - but just the art of this writing is very worth while, and encouraging to me as I face all the various obligations, challenges and opportunitites of my life.
Posted by: Rob Hatch at September 16, 2005 7:43 AM
Kate,
I was thinking of taking a figure painting class here and chickened out. And I've been painting for 13 years. I'm just afraid that I'll find out I do everything wrong, which I probably do.
Posted by: erin at September 15, 2005 4:51 PM
I've been thinking about you a lot Katie (maybe a crush?). Praying for His Spirit for you.
Posted by: lynnp at September 15, 2005 4:33 PM
