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February 28, 2007

SPC B&W #4

This isn't all the way black and white, but I like it. There's only so many pictures I can look at of myself that are black and white. Another minivan shot. I just love taking pictures while I'm driving. Yeah, pull me over, arrest me. Driving while capturing images.

There are so many places I want to snap pictures of as I drive around and around and around town. And I did drive everywhere today, Eden and I. See I'm at that place, that place that desperate people reach, where you see how much money you need and you have no options to save anymore. All you can do is get a friggin job.

I went and turned in two applications, well one. The other process was a bit more complicated. I am reaching out stretching myself to come to grips with the reality that I am going to join the real workforce after being out of it for 6 years. Joel has been a pillar of strength as I come to this recognition. There is the life of a straving artist. Starving is one thing, but starving and in debt is another. I will not be in debt if I can help it!! So before our Marietta house sells I must be the one to make sure the minimum payments get paid. So who will pay me? Target? They just took down their "Now Hiring" sign the day after I apply "we're not hiring at this time". Starbucks? "Oh Ma'am you'll have to apply with the Hotel, see we're Hotel staff" Home Depot? That's my next bet, even though it's miles away from my home base. I keep waiting for that perfect thing to fall from the clouds.
But what made this kinda crappy use of my morning sans Josiah better was that I finally got the guts to introduce myself to Shawna at Main and Mocha who lives in my new neighborhood. Joel is so good about hob-nobbing, I'm shy (or aloof, take your pick). And then I took my weekly drive by our house and what did I see to my great delight!

It's painted!!! Sage green! I was only going to believe it when I could see it. I guess I'm just waiting for the builder's to screw up. We'll see how Joel likes it. I always think he'll poop on my happy light green color parade.

As much as I'd like to tell you about the neighbors I met this weekend and the cool has hell lofts that are in the old Clark Bro's Furniture building I must sew some baby shoes, apply for jobs, and get artist info together (look for me in a local publication soon!).

Self Portrait Tuesday | By | 3:05 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 26, 2007

More Little Critters

This is my work in progress. 8"x10" acrylic on canvas. I'm not sure what to name this little bunny. Josiah wanted to name her Cookie, but there's only one Cookie. Josiah likes to say we'll visit Cookie when we're singing along with Elizabeth Mitchell.

fine art | By | 3:30 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 23, 2007

In celebration of Wool

This picture includes the purse that came all the way from Boise just for me! Thanks Lynn! I gotta find a happy place to go with it, a place where I will only need a credit card, a phone and a lipgloss. I'm also making a couple pairs of shoes for Lori Gienapp and friend. I hope they are "neutral" enough, I just had to put a little bit of purple under that brick red (grin grin).

The pattern is from Heather Bailey. It's trickier than the Martha pattern but Mary Janes aren't really neutral.

And I'm totally digging my Mom's machine that has all these stiches to choose from, less work for me! Yeah!

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February 21, 2007

For the W

Josiah has pink eye. He couldn't go to school today. He couldn't really go anywhere. But I thought a playground would be a safe bet.

We headed down to our favorite which is the Ross' Landing playground. Trouble was, George W decided to visit us here in Chattanooga and the entire downtown area was shut down!!Every street we went down had cops blocking the downtown access.

That wasn't the hard part really, I mean we could go up Lookout to the Mtn Maze, but Josiah had such a good time having adventures at Ben Miller Park that we went back there to swing and throw leaves and dig up sand.

What a beautiful day!! I could taste spring time. It definately made all the sickness and junk go away. The kids got dirty and we come home just in time to see Steve Sherfy chopping down trees and digging holes on his property. Weird.

family | By | 3:58 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 20, 2007

Red Berry, Yellow Bird

Another bird will soon be in my shop. 6"x8" acrylic on canvas.

fine art | By | 9:33 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

SPC B&W #3

Here's me and my girl having a quiet before bath snuggle while Joel and Josiah visited baby Naya. I'm a bit too germy to visit a new baby, but I'll see you soon little Naya! Eden is testing new boundries and becoming a alot more fun. Isn't that annoying how those things some together? Why can't they just be sweet without any backlash. She's started falling asleep toward the end of our morning jaunts and then is almost impossible to wake up. When she does wake up it's full tilt tantrum, and she will not eat lunch. Afternoon naps are all thrown off depending on how much sleep she got.

But then she's become ever so adventurous. She thinks she's 7ft tall and can do anything and more than her brother. She understands (almost) everything I say, she's super organized and retains so much knowledge about her surroundings. She's probably ready to potty train, but we're putting that off until the new house. Eden can christen it. She loves looking at pictures and identifying everyone. I have no desire for another baby right now because she is the snuggliest baby ever! I mean, maybe Josiah just doesn't have much of a snuggle gene, but Eden sometimes won't even eat her meals unless she's sitting on a lap. My girl, she's petite and snuggly. Just with her personality she's a perfect form of birth control.

Self Portrait Tuesday | By | 9:20 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 17, 2007

Honey soaked cuteness

Josiah took this picture of his grandpa yesterday. Dad was telling him, "Get my face, not just my belly!" And Josiah said, "I did! I did!" Josiah has a little bit of a respect problem with my Dad. Dad says that he is not much of a disciplinarian, and so he'll come tell me what Josiah has said that needs to be dealt with immediately, he's not wrong, Josiah does need to be reminded that Grandpa is Boss as well. I'm sure it's kinda confusing for Jos.

Josiah has to open the door for everyone, in fact he'll drop anything to tear across the house and open it for you as you leave. Mom and Dad have a security system that beeps when the doors open, so if you leave without Josiah opening the door he'll hear your betrayal with a little "beep beep". It gets worse when we go other places. Barnes and Noble and the Library are pretty bad. He scolded a man that was probably my dad's age who tried to be so kind and help us (all 3 of us) with the door. Josiah laid into him, and I immediately told Josiah NO and kindly told the stranger that "this is an issue with him, no worries". It's so funny how people apologize to the parents when it's obviously the child that is wrong! I mean, it's not your fault my child is a sinner and wants his own way all the time. This is where it takes guts as a parent to address the embarrassing situation with tact and sternness. I want the stranger to know that I will stand in the cold entryway of the library just to tell my son that he can not talk to this man that way and to apologize.

Josiah opened the door for my dad this morning. Saturday is Dad's big rehersal day for church services tommorrow. Josiah, still in his Pj's watches his grandpa decend the stairs, "He's going to play jazz music." I had to turn around in amazement. My son absorbs all information. "He IS Josiah! You're right! He is going to play jazz music!" I exclaim with that proud mommy tone. "He's going to play jazz music at church!" "Yes Josiah, he's going to play at church." It's taken Josiah a while to figure out that Grandpa's job is different than his Papa's job, but I think he's figured it out. And it was so cute I had to blog about it.

mommy time | By | 8:47 AM | TrackBack

February 16, 2007

If you Believe

If you believe that God can heal than pray for Him to heal me!! I am on my second cold since Christmas and this time it came with pink eye. Yum! I went to the Dr today and I got the info that I was sure I would get. Prescription for eye drops and some kind of antibiotic. My dad pleaded with me to go to the Dr.
I sat in the curtained off section and many feelings raced back to me. All the memories of sitting waiting for things to happen. The prints hanging in the midwife's office, the charts with different birth control methods. Really, the most time I've ever spent in Dr's offices is either taking care of or preventing pregnancy (BTW congrats Green's on little Naya's arrival!). Those are definately better than what I was doing today. I stared at the empty chair across from my paper covered perch and I honestly pictured Jesus there sitting across from me. I have felt so helpless and wrung out, and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a lot of helping hands to make the kids feel loved. I sat in that empty space, sterile with clinic wear n tear, and I wanted to lay down on that paper sheet and take a nap. I don't think the N.Prac. would have minded. That's the medicine I need more than anything, NAPS. Going to bed at 9pm isn't the answer, it's short recharges all day long. But more than anything, I want to understand why I've been sick and what I need to do to keep sickness at bay. I don't want it to just happen to me, I want to claim control, because God has plans for me. Am I having a Job moment? Or am I being attacked and needing some prayer warriors by my side? It never hurts to have some.


These make the coughing and sore throat not so bad. I get to sip my breakfast tea and look at my V-day roses. I love my Joel. We get to share Pink Eye together!


And here's my new bird WIP. Waiting for me to get well. And say so long to Cookie and Little Finch, they found a home in Brooklyn.

community | By | 9:22 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 14, 2007

XOXO

Oh how much I love you all. Thank you for your kind words. I needed so much to use my blog as my journal just then, and I felt a huge sigh of relief after writing it all out. And then my studly, sexy knight in shining armour (Joel that is--he's kissing me on the head right now) swoops in and handles all our immediate bill problems and does so with a calm in-charge sorta way. I'm a lucky woman.

You remember these little beauties from last year! I love them, they make me so happy. And I'd love for them to make you happy. But I want to give them to the lurkers. Those of you that read my blog all the time and never comment, or comment very rarely. So if you haven't commented in, oh, a week go ahead and comment now and I will email you for your mailing address and send you a loverly heart mobile made my me! The first 5 commenters that is. This is a challenge for me because I'm sure some of you lurkers still won't comment, so come on! Prove me Wrong!

I mean, these things are so cute. I'll send them blank, so you can give them away again, or hang it in your home and watch the breeze spin it around.


And speaking of love, I received a sweet Valentine from Molly Goatwax today in the mail. It has a special place of honor:

Next to the Dr Suess 4th birthday card from Uncle Nathan and Aunt Laura. Red-fish, Blue-fish, but not-as-fun-as-you-fish!!!

community | By | 12:11 AM | Comments (14) | TrackBack

February 12, 2007

Numb with Whatnot

I am very glad for what changes have happened in our lives since we've moved to Chattanooga. But today, right now, that joy has a big dark cloud over it. It's paralyzing me from being able to function and think normal thoughts like, "Man what a beautiful day it is today" or "Yeah! I sold another pod!" All I feel is this overwhelming numbness that I have been so foolish, so irresponsible. And my future is full of questions. I can't look past the goodness, but the faults of mine make me feel like I've dug a hole that I can't crawl out of. I am saddened that I am scraping as much work as I can and still be a Mama that takes care of her kids. Joel and I have felt run over by our bills. The amount of money we have sunk into our Marietta house is just unmovable. It doesn't matter how many birds I sell, the money is already spent and I think about taking Josiah out of his $35 a month Pre-K because minimum payments are tight these days. I cringe when I get the mail. I check my email obsessively for any distraction or the hope of an art sale. There is so many projects that have been put on my plate, so many opportunities that I have to better the world, but oh Lord, when, when will we see the light. I have this sick anger in my stomach because BCBST pays Joel peanuts!!! Nothing makes me more angry than my husband not being appreciated for what he can do. I mean, it's our choice to go with BCBST, and the benefits are very very good, but the weeks and weeks of painful boring training is driving me crazy and I'm not even the one going through it. Joel is a trooper, but he has nothing but mediocre things to say about his trainers. My husband is so talented, so charming, he can bring people together and he has the great ability to see the most efficient and people friendly ways to do things. When, when Oh Lord will my husband find that favor? I have caught yet another scratchy throat bug, an I'm beginning to think that its just the stress that sickens me again and again. Our new house is such a blessing but I am full of fear. Home ownership is hard, my advice to anyone buying their first home is to approach it with great great awareness. The root of the word "mortgage" is death.

Needless to say I am feeling very humbled and a little panicked. All the things I have learned about money are coming to a head and I feel so weakened by it all. I know lots of people don't share their deep dark secrets on their blogs and I'm sure that I will regret posting these thoughts, but I can't just NOT talk about this. It's affecting everything around me these days. I pray that I have the patience to get up at 3am for my daughter, work til midnight on art (birds at least), have gentle conversation with my husband (who is so strong), and have patience to hear others worries and thoughts. I pray to have the clarity to teach my two students and have lesson plans for them, and to be a team player while working at AVA and not be a distracted putz. And I want to apologize in advance if you happen to talk to me an I seem distant, it's not you, it's my very lame coping mechanism.

I need the Holy Spirit to wash over me and relieve my doubts. I need Him to remind me that I will always be taken care of. That life is not ending and He will give me great things. That in the midst of all this debt I have had more art sell and more offers for teaching and portraits than I ever thought possible. I feel I am that pilgrim with a huge bundle on my back (and holding little babies' hands) as I walk a very steep trail. The trail is rough because of my making, but the trail is not what I created. God has set this trail in my life path to show me He is good, and strong, and that He is a Provider. He wants me to let go of the jewels and fine things and set my eyes on the necessities. Necessities like worship, partnership, parenthood, relationships (new and old), study, rest, and oddly enough every form of creativity. For one is not just creative because they can sew, paint, knit, sketch, or take awesome pictures. You are truly creative when all you think you need is far away and your God given creativity kicks in to make your every day joyful. Thanks for reading through this journey. I feel your love,
Kate

the spirit within | By | 6:00 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

February 9, 2007

Sparrow with Blush

Thanks for all your encouraging words, sometimes I just hafta get it out of my system. This little birdie is done (before midnight, hooray!) and will be in my shop at 3pm EST. If you are wanting to buy it that's where it will be. This picture isn't the greatest, I'll make sure the shop photo is better, that lower branch isn't nearly that light. I discovered after loading this batch that Josiah's greasy fingerprints were all over the lens, ewwww. I'm sure you guys are kinda sick of looking at birds, I have a great group of shots Josiah took while driving back from Harry's yesterday. A million pictures of his feet, hilarious. But their in those smokin' flamin' Chuck's, so that gives them more interest! Maybe it's time to dedicate a day of the week on new eyes for Josiah's latest photos.

fine art | By | 9:39 AM | TrackBack

February 8, 2007

A Hater

There needs to be another 5 hours in the day. Or in the night. I seem to have to sacrifice sleep, well mostly sleep, to be able to create the littlest pieces of art. What do I do if I want to work on something more involved? Bigger? Something I can't hold in my lap while I'm watching 'The Dog'? I feel I need to dedicate some serious time to my serious persuits. There just isn't enough time. And when I do sink alot of time into something it comes out not looking right or not selling. Bleah. I wish I was a photocopy machine that could just produce 10 of the same thing and then I'd have a few hundred bucks in my pocket. Staring down house-fixing debt is scary and $50 here and there doesn't do much at all except remind me that I want to make art. All the time. But I have to love on my kids and my husband and not be a hermit. I have to go to work when I'm needed. I have to make lesson plans, which I haven't felt very prepared for recently. I have to fax this and that for different real estate things. And I have to dedicate time to the kind parents who are housing us by helping clean and have those 'middle of the hall' conversations that don't happen when it's just you. (Maybe some of you do have those conversations with yourself and in those conversations refer to yourself in the third person as "mama" and if so, I don't blame you one bit! i.e."Mama needs a Coffee ASAP!") Today I am recovering from working on this *&%$# bird tha just won't look right. 1am has never been so disappointing. I got the funk, the blues, that revolve around so much opportunity (which I am very thankful for) yet goes unsatisfied. I want to be fair and kind to my family and not take this out on them, so here you go blogland! I am thrilled with the things God has put in my path, now I just have to figure out the time management.

We're making a quick trip to Marietta today to check on the house, pick up art and paperwork, and go to Whole Foods (oh how I miss Thee). Maybe if I tire myself out enough I'll forget about productivity at all and even stop checking my email! Erfff.

My 1am WIP.

fine art | By | 8:52 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

February 6, 2007

Revised and Sold

Flying away to a new home. tweet tweet!

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SPC B&W

From our Christmas photo shoot

Self Portrait Tuesday | By | 5:58 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 5, 2007

Gems from Josiah

My little photographer snapped a few shots on Saturday morning during his Papa's haircut. I had a little pile of auburn hair on the floor. Dark was Joel's, light was Josiah's. We had a nice low-key weekend. A family birthday celebration on Friday night and some ice-cream goodness with the Wiegers, Cat and auntie Amy on Saturday night.

Sunday we had a great prayer and worship service at NRV. It was totally one of those 'emerging church' services. Music, slideshow of powerful imagery. Stations for communion, reading and writing, prayers for healing etc. It was very relaxing, and it went smoothly. I remember we wanted to do that at VSN a lot, and it seemed awkward with the younger crowd. At NRV, with the more mature congregation, everything was taken seriously and felt natural. It was cool, I look forward to doing it more often.

family | By | 4:12 PM | TrackBack

February 2, 2007

Four

Today Josiah turns four years old. What a wonderful 4 years it hs been. Josiah becomes more of my friend everyday. But boy whatta boy! When I found out I was pregnant with Josiah we were in Norway. We were ending our 9 month stint at a Bible school. I found out that my friends Fran and Karen were both pregnant with their first and I felt empty. I wanted to be a mom at that point right there. I prayed that God would make me willing to let down my guard and become pregnant. Well, low and behold I left my birth control at home during a month long trip away from Bergen and that was that.

We came home from Norway and after a sweet time at Cornerstone Fest, we stayed with Joel's parents working toward a life in Atlanta. And for about 6 months we stayed there and I grew very large. I became very worried that I would be putting my baby boy in a dresser drawer at my in-laws house. After bending very low Joel waited tables for a bit until he found a temp job that became permanent almost instantly. In a two week period our biggest stresses were taken care of and we were ready to have our baby boy.

Josiah was due on SuperBowl Sunday. And instead of having a baby I went to a SuperBowl party in XL maternity pants. Eight days after my due date Josiah decided to come. My water broke at 1am and we drove from Marietta to south Atlanta, about 30 minutes at 2am. I was 4cm when we got there and my midwife was impressed that I didn't want medication. I remember being very tired. The pain came when I had to change out of my clothes and into a gown. Joel and I labored together through the night and I spent too much time on the labor ball. I made it all the way through transition without drugs. The shower helped. But the hard part was getting him out.

I started pushing at 9am. My mom and Cat were there with us. I pushed for 2 hours and Josiah seemed stuck on my pubic bone. I was convinced to have an epidural and rest. It was great. I slept for a couple hours. Then we prepared to turn off the drugs and go again. I pushed for another two hours. The doctor was called in because my midwife really wanted me to avoid a C-section. We decided to use the vacuum and started to push again. It took 3 times with the vacuum I think. It hurt real bad. Then my boy was born. My 9lb 12oz boy. How did he get that big?? He was 22 1/2 inches long. No wonder he was stuck.

Although Josiah was so large he decided he didn't want to eat very well. He dropped to 8lbs 8oz by the time we left the hospital. I was a wreck. It was hard to heal, I was so torn and bruised and weak. And my baby wouldn't gain weight! But although I was so worried, no one at my father-in-laws pediatric office was worried. Because Josiah was doing all the things a healthy boy would do he was just skinny-skinny. At 6 months old he was only 13lbs 6oz. And then, with doctor's orders, we stuffed him with food and he wasn't too skinny anymore. He's pretty normal, except when he gets the stomach flu. He's looking kinda boney this week. I weighed him yesterday and he's 40lbs. I measured him and he's 43 1/2 inches tall. Whatta boy. It's good to remember and maybe some of you out there will be encouraged by our four year old story. I'm so thankful for my son. He's helped me grow into a much better woman.

mommy time | By | 11:07 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack