January 30, 2009
He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11
The meanest cold has taken over our family. The big kids have been working through it since last Wednesday, and I've been working it since Tuesday. But the saddest of all is that Tessa is in the thick of it right now. Red watery eyes, coughing, stuffy nose. Poor Baby! She slept most of yesterday except for the times I pissed her off sucking her nose out or sticking a thermometer up her bum. But she was up most of last night. She's Ok, we're just stuck in this house until she shows us that she's getting better. Part of me is Ok with it because I feel like poop.I've had to depend on friends for picking up Josiah from school, and I am overly thankful for that. We continue to have meals brought to us and it's so nice to be relaxed about dinner prep. Being at home with Eden makes me feel bad that she's kinda bored, but I remind myself that this is temporary. We won't be sick forever. And when we are back to our old selves, we'll do fun stuff. I've enjoyed doing projects I've put off forever, like designing my girls wall quilts and starting some paintings. I push away all guilt and longing to be involved with all the fun things going on, and I just rest. I am thankful that I am pretty much healed from childbirth (although getting rid of 10lbs would be awesome) and my emotions are in check alot more. Joel reminded me that there must be something good to reflect on even while we go through this, and he's right, I've been reminded once again that God is taking care of me and He takes care of my kids better than I ever could. And as Isaiah reminds us, he guides those of us with young. He's going to show me what to do and give me wisdom. That's a wonderful gift in this sicky lockdown. I think I needed that reminder to matter what.
January 26, 2009
It's 10am and both of my girls are back to sleep. Eden had a rough ROUGH night of emotional turmoil due to annoying symptoms of her cold. Sheesh. You know when Mom's say that aweful thing to their kids,"I hope you have a daughter just like you and you'll know how it feels!" My mom NEVER said that to me, but guess what, Eden is a whole lot like me. In fact, when I labored naturally with Josiah for 9 hours my dad was on the phone with my mom and said, "Wait, MY daughter is having a baby with no drugs! MY daughter?" Yeah, so poor Eden, and poor Joel who had to deal with her while I did baby duty. So instead of sleeping (cuz I'm dumb and I enjoy the ticking of the clock alot these days) I'm going to do this meme. Linda's was so nice to read. I don't attempt to top her lovely creative writing, but I wanna give this a go. Since I'm 32, here's 32 things about me:
1. I no longer suffer from crazy irrational fear of my symptoms because God healed me about 9 years ago. It's wonderful being free, but it's a battle to stay free.
2. I was born in Latrobe PA, home of Rolling Rock beer. It was the coldest winter in PA on record up to that point.
3. I'm a bicentennial baby and I have the commemorative sterling silver pie server to prove it.
4. I got in trouble in Kindergarten for taking the ends of my super long braids and criss-crossing them under my nose to make a mustache. I made the boy across from me laugh so hard that he got in trouble first.
5. Needless to say, I'm not much of a trouble maker. I've "passed on grass" every time.
6. I have a large freckle on the index finger of my right hand. It made wearing rings on that hand very difficult. Back in the good old grunge era when I wore mucho artsy jewelry, I tried to find a large stone ring that would cover my freckle. Never found one. Now I tell my kids that it's the ring that God gave me.
7. I really have no love for roller coasters, and almost no love for Disney. I say almost because Disney movies save my sanity time and time again. I don't own that many though.
8. I had my first kiss while Spin Doctors "Pocket full of Kryptonite" was playing. Ewww. I can say that because my first kiss wasn't my dear husband and I haven't found that boyfriend on facebook to erase the "eww" memories, or enhance them, either one. ugh.
9. Ever since taking 3 to 4 hour oil painting classes back in the late 90's my hands have had it in for me. Dry, cracked, and sometimes in need of bandaids/tape to get jobs done in the winter. Being a mom hasn't helped.
10. My first trip overseas was to Bergen Norway. I flew there by myself and hardly slept. It was too hard to overcome the excitement and the anxiety of what awaited me. Spiritual renewal and the love of my life.
11. About a month later I was engaged to my love, Joel.
12. He proposed after we fought about him riding a motorcycle to Mexico over Christmas break with his friends. He didn't go. He loves me more than motorcycles.
13. When I got married, two of my bridesmaids were living in a tee-pee in North GA. I think one of them maybe had a phone. Cell phones weren't everywhere yet.
14. Of these same two bridesmaids (and you know who you are you lurkers) one kept her head shaved all the time. She told me she would grow her hair out for my wedding so my grandma wouldn't think she was sick.
15. The other bridesmaid asked my permission to have dread-locks. I was very glad she asked, and I told her it was OK. My great aunt asked, "Did she forget to brush her hair?" Hilarious.
16. When I was 16, 17 years old I was in a band. Called the Roustabouts.
17. Two of our reputable restaurant owner friends were also in the band with me.
18. Newsflash: I wasn't very good at being in a band.
19. When I first started drawing alot I did a lot of my own characters. Most of them were little skater kids with big pants and hats pulled half way down their face. And I had a large chalkboard on the floor of my room as a drawing table.
20. In college, after I finished a large Chuck Close style painting I asked my teacher how much to sell it for. He didn't tell me outloud he wrote it on a piece of paper. "no less than $500". I know now that that was a pretty big complement.
21. I still haven't sold that painting
22. I had "the mouth of a sailor" back in the day and it suprises me over and over that while going thru the pain of childbirth those aren't the choice words I use. I have usually screamed out to Jesus instead.
23. I've hiked up snowy mountains, hitch hiked through parts of Austria and Italy, and ridden a fishing boat from one island to another cuz the ferries were on strike.
24. I haven't had the flu for a really long time. Maybe since college? God is good.
25. I love thrift stores. I've found Dr. Marten purple corduroy boots, many pairs of Birkenstocks that I turned around and sold. Several Baby Bjorn carriers. And enough Chuck Taylors in black and pink to boot up my kids with year after year.
26. I know how to make art but I'm terrible at hanging it. Help Me!
27. I'm not a big fan of long baths. I've only taken them when I have a really big tub at a condo that's going to get cleaned by someone else, or I'm pregnant and having back pain and contractions. The water gets cold, and then I want out.
28. My father and my brother are both professional musicians and worship leaders. My father in law and my brother in law (and his wife) are both doctors. There's always lingo flying around both sides of family gatherings that I don't understand. But that's Ok.
29. My birthday is October 12 and I always feel like it's a gift from God that the weather changes from yuck to wonderful by my birthday.
30. I would love to know how to sew, knit, crochet, or garden, but I feel I have no creative energy left to learn them. How impatient of me.
31. One of my most favorite things to do is sit at my home, or my good friends home, have a glass of wine/beer/coffee/tea and talk. About everything. And I'm not about being shallow. I want to get into it.
32. I love to sing. My favorite places to sing: church and the car. One of my best car singing moments was when I had my two big kids and the LaRose twins in my van and we were riding back from a trip to the Coolidge fountain. We were listening to Elizabeth Miller's 'John the Rabbit'. All the kids were singing the Yes Ma'ams and I was singing the other part. Pure Gold, that's heavenly.
Thirty two things about me seems not to be that much. I've avoided these things for a long time. Hope it's an adequate read, my girls are still asleep. It's time to watch some Law and Order with a box of Kleenex and some Earl Grey.
January 21, 2009
The Southside Neighborhood Association is hosting an all you can eat pancake breakfast this Saturday. It'll be at the Main Street Firehouse from 8am to 11am. Have a hankering for a huge Saturday breakfast and want to support a very important organization that brought you much of MAINx24? Come on down, and for $5 a person you can eat til you bust. Sounds great eh? We've got tickets if you want to buy some from us cuz we're part of the southside...word.
| By katiek | 5:30 PM | Comments (0)
January 19, 2009
There's something about my new life that keeps me continually going back and forth between yearning to go out, and wanting to be home. I have been out with all three kids by myself on an actual outing just once, to the library. I was a nervous wreck hoping Tessa wouldn't wake up. I might have not been so antsy if Tessa hadn't screamed thru Walmart the day before. Going outside seems to be the pick-me-up I need, why did I have this baby during the coldest, greyest, rainiest days of the year? Hmmm, we didn't plan that very well.
My emotions are so intensified by these four walls I live in. And my vulnerability is so fresh the moment I leave. The tug of these two difficult emotions makes me not very easy to socialize with lately. I don't form complete thoughts and I may just break down and cry for no reason.
I had no idea that when Tessa arrived I would miss my life with just two big kids. That is not to say that I do not LOVE my Tessa. I am again split right down the middle with the feeling that I want to stay home, do nothing but be with Tessa. The problem is that I have an almost 6 year old boy who is crazy social and active. I can't convince him that sitting and hanging out at home is OK all the time. And my Eden loves to be at home but it breaks my heart to see her waiting to go just on some little errand saying, "Mom, when can we go?" I guess I'm such a "doer" that I've trained my kids to want to go go all the time too. I want to run on the playground with them, ride bikes, go to movies, these things are harder to do with a newborn. I know some of you guys think I'm nuts. Many of you have invited my kids over. Thank you thank you, I love that so much--it warms my heart, but ya know, I still miss doing it myself. See how I hate being needy?! I am, I'm nuts!! Why can't I just enjoy this period? The thing is I do.
I stare at Tessa for long stretches of time. The big kids coo over her so much that I have to remind them she's not a pilllow. I am so thankful for how my big kids have taken Tessa into the family without as much as a grumble. They LOVE her. And I do to. I was reminded that all the busy-ness that the world has to offer, that I feel I'm missing out on, will still be there. The hip restaurants will still be serving, the movies will still be playing, the festivals, the parties, the going out with the girls for beers, it won't stop this winter, it'll continue when Tessa is not nursing every 2 hours. The cold and grey will go and walks to and from school will become a welcomed errand. Tessa is a lot of work these days, and when she becomes more independant there will be other hoops to jump through. I'm being pulled by God to be selfless and change yet again. To grow into a person that is wise, kind, hospitable, hungry for God and patient. I did name my daughter Patience. Once again, I asked for it.
January 17, 2009
we love our tessa's faces!!
| By katiek | 7:48 PM | Comments (1)
January 12, 2009
As a visual artist you have to learn quickly the difference between serious clientelle and admirers. I love both. I know that there are many folks I can't afford to support but I'm proud of them and enjoy whatever piece of their craft I can. Whether that's getting free appetizers made by Daniel and his crew at St John's, admiring friends artwork at various festivals (including the Clothesline Show), listening/viewing a friends recent musical endevour, or geeking over a well done website, I love to tell fellow artisans that their work is admirable. But sometimes, especially when we're all feeling a bit of the fear of economic slump, it's just no fun to get your hopes built up by a possible patron just to be let down, again. This does not happen often. Don't think, "Oh no, Katie's examining everything I say when I comment on her work". Again, I love that ANY of you bless me with a comment either here or in person at a show. What I mean is I'll get random internet requests that have a specific desire. I used to get all jazzed and try and accomodate all those desires, now I just wait and see if they'll pan out.
One person wanted a print for a certain price. I said I'd see if I could get the painting printed for that price since she saw that my fellow artists "had prints around that price". Ugh, I tried and failed. It wasn't worth the effort. The patron wasn't going to pay very much for the finished product, and time+energy is money. I would not have profited.
Another request is the instant gratification request. I post something, the viewer comments, "I MUST have it! How much how much how much???" and when I tell them...all is quiet. Yes, my friends, it costs money to get what you MUST have. I know that sounds callouse. But fine art is something that is kinda an investment. I realize that, that's why I don't expect a lot of instant sales. I've worked retail, I know the drill.
The latest request I've been fielding is promising and interesting. Special orders always have a twist, and this one seems like it's worth all the accomodations. A patron of mine (she bought Fawning and Morphing) is a doula/midwife and she loves my Domestica piece. No mysteries, I've had other doula types admire this piece. She wants it bigger, much bigger. I'm hoping everything pans out the way we're planning. There's always an itch in the back of my pessimistic brain that it will fall through. I'll start the ball rolling to copy Domestica at 40"x60", and this patron will have blessed the pants off our single income family in this dry spell. And, thank goodness, it gave you guys something else to read about besides baby, kids and postpartum! Well, the subject of the painting doesn't get too far off track.
ps-- Have I mentioned how GLAD I am not to be pregnant anymore!! I'm looking for my real clothes, the pants I'm wearing (thanks again Sarah!!) are falling off. pps--I also need to mention, since this post is kinda cold-as-ice, that I have been in the process of giving art away. I gave away a piece to my dad, and I have a couple other friends in mind. I've never been much of a 'giver' or 'trader' and that needs to change this year, call it a resolution.
January 7, 2009
It's been one week with our new little one here at home with us. We are very thankful for such a happy healthy baby. Tessa is nursing well, gaining weight, she's not too orange and she lets me sleep alright. Although, I am realizing that I do need sleep a little more than I thought. Ha.
After the trying ordeal of hemmoraging, it's hard to shake it from my mind. I do not live in fear, but it makes recovery a little more about recovering and less about testing my boundries. Joel has been amazing. Amazing y'all. I know my husband is great and we've had a pretty sweet road so far, God is so good. Joel truly has taken care of me. He's listened to me cry and laugh, he's brought me my meals, gotten all the pillows, sweaters, pain pills that I need. He's changed diapers and done more bouncing than expected. I did not make him buy my maxi pads, that would be a mighty feat since I can barely figure out which ones I want. I love my husband, he's an awesome dad and he has been waiting for Tessa for a long time I think, not just the 9 months. I don't think tomorrow will be easy for him going back to work. I saw it on his face today, he'll miss us.
It'll be a good day, a day of facing change. A day where I will shake off the over soaked emotion of post partum and do something to enter the world again. Tessa makes me want to stay in the four walls and just rest. Quiet. Still. I can't look at calendars, or clocks. I just want to BE. I think God meant for new mothers to be like this.
I do wish that I had gotten my hair cut before Tessa arrived. And I am still waiting for my "labor face" to go away. Does that have a name? The little rosy blood vessels in my cheeks that broke are now small bruises changed to dark tired circles. I get a cheap thrill out of stepping on the scale and seeing weight come off that is purely the fluid of pregnancy evaporating. Someday it'll grind to a nice post-pregnancy hault and then it won't be so fun. But 20 lbs since labor day is a pretty nice result. 9lbs if it, baby Tessa.
So pray for me as I enter the world again, I feel a bit like a hibernating bear. Especially with these dark, windy, rainy days. I long to have play days with my big kids again. It makes me hurt when I have to wait and wait. But then I hold my Tessa and remember I named her Patience. So waiting I will do, and joy I will hold onto, and I'll keep these times treasured so when others have new babies, I'll fill their lives with the blessings of food, and time and understanding just as many of you have done for me this past week. And soon I will be strolling down Main Street with my two girls, going to pick up my Josiah from school. Patience to heal, and patience for my new normal.