February 26, 2009
Waiting for the baby to wake up. It's such a crime to have to pick up that deep sleeping baby just because you have to leave. Waiting til the last second. Til you know that if you wait another half hour all hell will break loose at Walmart. Not that you're in a hurry to get there, Walmart smells to say the least. Subway+deli counter+vinegar hints around the cheese aisle=Barf! It's much nicer to smell cinnamon raisen bagel and sit in the morning light. Watching Eden play with Optimus Prime and listen to Tessa breathe.
February 24, 2009
February 18, 2009
So I'm out, I'm back in the grind of regular life. I've been waiting to feel normal and I now realize that that might not happen for a couple years. Or maybe never again the normal that I think I want. But then again, why would I want it? I have another child and for that I am willing to sacrifice the normalcy that I thought I wanted.
I started back teaching on Monday, and wow what a circus I had to run in order to get through the day!
Looks like my day starts at 6:45 and ends around 4:30. Non-stop action, with very few breaks. Game face on the whole time. Tessa did great with Grandma showering affection and she took bottles both of Mama's milk and the aweful powdered stuff. All my students and their parents were glad to see me and peered in thru the nursery window to exclaim how cute Tessa is. I even got a couple Valentines. I picked up where Kelly, my sub, left off. We painted. That's the short version.
The thing that I left the day with, besides the sigh of relief that I had a whole week before I had to do it again, was the conversation that happened during my Middle School class. They talked almost the whole time about horror movies. In short, I don't think there is anything innocent about horror movies. The demonic, the darkness and dipravity, and we know that these movies are also full of sexual content that is just there to titilate what other senses are not peaked. The celebration of these things is exactly what the Enemy wants from us. The hold that this form of entertainment has is dangerous.
I went to small group Wednesday night with this on my mind and asked what folks thought. Thankfully, we now have parents of a teenager in our group, so this topic was much closer to home. All the advice was consistant and we all were in agreement. So as I write out my lesson plan outlines today I realize that I will have to address this topic. And I know now from talking to experienced parents, that I will not go so far as to judge why these young people watch this stuff or why their parents let them watch it, but I will address it as part of art class. That's where I'm in charge and that's where I have authority in these kids lives.
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Also, Joel heard some good Biblical teaching that was focusing on everyman's desire for the spiritual. We all long for that connection, if we don't pursue it in God we pursue it somewhere else. This is troubling for me as I think about my class, but again, I want to stay within my boundries unless I see that I need to talk to a parent. At this point I should pray for my classes that all these young people would seek God for their spiritual fulfillment. And that God would answer that prayer by showing up in mighty ways in their lives and the lives of their parents.
Now that I'm out and about I feel like a functioning part of society. Teaching still does not come natural to me, my selfish heart would rather not give knowledge, I want to just use it. But I am feeling realistic and I want to do what God has given me to do. With a crap economy I want to have hope that artwork will still sell, but I also want to lean on teaching as something that's more consistant and forces me to be humble. Getting back to painting humbles as well because I'm so rusty.That needs to be worked on. Bends in the road are nice to see, but what's on the other side always surprises. I look forward to this year and what I'll learn, I pray God will be gentle with me.
February 15, 2009
We didn't exchange gifts, we didn't buy flowers or candy, we didn't go out to dinner. We let everyone else do that instead. The kids got plenty of goodies from other friends and parties. Instead we enjoyed each other. I hung my Valentines chains with my dear ones names on them. I hung our handprint heart up. It needs another little hand *smile*. Playing, dancing to 80's music until Tessa was not only quiet but fully comotose. We've been the recipients of so much love I have no idea how I will ever repay everyone. What little gifts will do to my heart, melt it into a unworthy puddle. I wish I had a million hours and four more hands to make handmade treasures for all of you that have loved on us. Everything from couscous and lamb to paper dolls and erasers. Thank you thank you. We feel loved and I can't cut out enough paper hearts to fill my longing to love you all back.
February 10, 2009
Tessa's a good baby. And with everything that's going on inside and outside of me I'm so glad she is. I took her for her one month and in typical Knutson fashion she's a little skinny monkey. But still not pushing her brother's record of 10%weight and 85% length. She's up to her birth weight and is a long lean green bean. When we swaddle her up we call her a baby bean burrito. I'd like to say I've come to a peace about having skinny babies but it's still kinda hard when your bundle doesn't look like the baby on the diaper box. In fact the diaper tapes overlap. She eats alot, I must make skim milk.
She hasn't shown me a great napping pattern yet though. And poor kid, she has alot to work around. I would love for her to wake up with us, eat, and go back to sleep before 8:30, sleep for and hour or two and then sleep again for a long time after Josiah gets home from school. Tall order, a lot of training is in order.
I have to say to all the folks that said 3 kids is a whole new world, that it's crazy and hard to adjust to, you were right! Joel and I regularly struggle to make it through the evening hours without crashing. And once the kids are in bed it seems we have a pre-bed nap at 9:30pm! We're exciting folks! I tell myself that it will adjust and things will level out. It's good that we get that extra sleep because it seems our big kids are waking us up with sickness episodes kinda regularly. Josiah's home from school today cuz he barfed last night a few times. Seems ok now, but....
With all this down time I have gotten to read my Bible more than I have in a long time. And I pray more often too. I take comfort and have faith that the annoying trials of the winter months will fade and with springtime will come the exhaustion of social engagements, late night dates, big projects, and family adventures. I plan to bloom along with the trees and flowers. And rejoice in God's goodness! The joy is increasing!
Been enjoying the comfort of Jason Upton the last couple days. God is good, even when we're sick, even when we're cleaning barf and other unmentionables. He is strong when we are weak. He cares about our simple prayers like, "Please Lord, I want a shower." Go ahead and ask for those simple things. Ask with all your heart. Your Heavenly Father wants to give you gifts, and to those of us who have been wrapped up in self sacrificing chaos of all kids, it's those small requests that make us praise God for His goodness when we get that much needed relief. Have a good day guys, full of thankfulness. I'm off to take a shower!
February 5, 2009
This is a quote from Eden. She said this to a dad that was helping with the Pre-K class at church. He asked her if she liked being a big sister or a little sister better. Poor Craig, he never saw this comment coming.
And so to celebrate my Eden I made a blurb book of her first year from my flickr photos. I love it, it's exactly what I wanted. It's simple, it's not crazy expensive, and it was so easy. It's 45 pages of the nicest pictures of Eden. No scrapbooking non-sense involved, just nice pictures.
February 3, 2009
To My Josiah: Happy Birthday! I can't believe your a school boy who has exited every form of baby-ness and is now a big kid in every way.
I've looked back at your baby pictures, and as I nurse another baby I am reminded of all the days it was just you and me. I was anxious about your weight gain, your development, your wardrobe even. I made all kinds of things for you and made a maxxed out baby book. I loved being the mama of a little boy. You are a great companion, and always challenging me. You challenge me more and more everyday. I have to put my impatience, my comfort, my grouchiness on the shelf and just BE your friend. A listening ear, a playmate, a patient teacher. You're pushing me to get out of my box by just being yourself.
So, I could think back to your birthday and how difficult it was to get you into the world, but instead, I want to think of what you are teaching me now. How I've been in a haze of pregnancy,postpartum, and illness and how with the sun and pre-springtime tease of February, I will join you in play again. I will talk and read with you and be reminded of answered prayer. How good God has been to me and your Papa to have you in our lives. How you are so good for your sister Eden as a faithful playmate. How you are so amazed as you watch your baby sister and how her slightest movements can make you giggle uncontrollably. I love your continued joy in being with me, your Mama. I hope that never ends. Because as many of us know, your joy is contagious. Happy Birthday, I love you.